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Writer's Block: Cinqo de Mayo

Do you celebrate your country's independence? If so, how?

Sorry, I have to join the chorus:
1. It's cinco.
2. It isn't celebrating independence.

there was a better option for a question today.

a fun game

A really fun game is to start typing a sentence into google and see how the search engine tries to anticipate how you're going to continue. I just typed in

"Are most women"

and google suggested

Are most women bi
Are most women bi curious
Are most women happy with their breast implants

What led google to come up with this? Are these the most common things people wonder about women? You can totally picture thousands of men trying to use the power of google to get their girlfriends to have a threesome and/or get breast implants. Guess what happens next? 

Why are women
Why are women crazy
Why are women so stupid

What do women (who use google to understand men) want to know? 

Why are men
Why are men attracted to breasts
Why are men so stupid

See? We all think alike. We're all stupid!

Are most men
Are most men circumcised
Are most men color blind

Why is male color blindness such a pressing question? Is google the refuge of women who are frustrated by their boyfriends' inability to judge whether this top goes with this skirt? And circumcision is such a pressing question it transcends gender:

Are most people
Are most people circumcised
Are most people happy

Interesting priorities.

I started googling "are most women" when I was trying to figure out how to tactfully reply to a male student who wrote that women need to live by good morals and principles so they can get the respect they merit. Also today, another guy wrote that women are "uncomfortable with keeping counts [of sexual conquests] or proudly discussing these encounters in great details as men often do," and I absolutely could not resist replying that he might be surprised.

a bad day for someone

Personally, if I meant to write that the organization I represent does not condone unauthorized duplication of software and instead I wrote that they do not condom it, I wouldn't send out a second email to correct the mistake unless I wanted to make sure everyone caught it. By "everyone," I mean all of the graduate student members of the premier international professional organization for education researchers.

But, then again, knowing how jerky and pedantic people can be in academia (especially if they are very serious about educating others), maybe she sent the second email so people would stop writing to point out the mistake. I bet her inbox was flooded. In that case, I would send the second email too. It would be more snide, though.

those jerks at Sprint

My phone is so jacked up it's barely functional right now (the display is completely blank), and Sprint has been outrageously unhelpful. Behold this wondrous bounty of customer service: 
"Unfortunately, it is not possible to replace this handset with the new 
handset. This is the reason it cannot be replaced."
Now I get it: they can't replace my defective phone because, in some profound way unfathomable to feeble human minds, it is impossible to do so. Probably the world would explode if they tried to perform this impossible feat. They did offer to credit some money to my account, but it's about $30 less than my monthly bill -- it doesn't include the charges for features I can't use right now, like text messaging, and bogus surcharges.

I am stupidly resistant to change and I like being on Sprint because everyone else in my family is too, but can anyone recommend a better provider? 

In case you don't know, I adore randomly generated texts, bad Google translations, bizarre spell check suggestions, and unintended t9 word substitutions. It's really the only kind of poetry I like, aside from song lyrics. (In fact, I think it should be song lyrics -- see my "spam" tag.) Also, of course, I totally support Dylan and his awesome art.

So imagine my delight when I found out that
His rusted steampunk USB drives have been blogged all over the place
The news has been dragged so far around the internet that it has begun to mutate into gibberish!

Behold (my favorite part is in bold): 
Steampunk mods are graceful preferably added prevailing these days because tech-addled creative types rebuff novel sensibilities and turn back to a non-existent, whimsical accomplished. The latest of the like kind evade is called “Rusted Steampunk USB Drive - none.2,” a follow-up to any earlier, scornfully less amount rusty butt; goal d’USB. It appears to exist built around a 4GB SanDisk Cruzer oblige, augmented with weathered, laser-cut niggard of metal. The curvy parade in succession the assurance says “You by appearance of truth shouldn’cheek by jowl steer this in your pouch,” under which circumstances the dueling swordfish upon the back judge “I survived a fault to Rapture and quite I got was this corroded thick slice of storage.” Yours concerning $40.

I think the original text of this one came from here: 

They're wrong about the free tetanus, though; it's extra. The comments are funny. I know Dylan already posted about this, but he was too busy working on rusting USB drives to extract some of the choicest specimens for you: 

First MuSew asks if someone would really buy it. CreepinJesus proclaims this question to be stupid, but I'll answer anyway: yes, several someones; that's why Dylan is too busy to make this post himself.

Inevitably, someone exhibits his or her abundance of knowledge and lack of wit by clarifying how you actually get tetanus.

Also inevitably, the steampunk label is disputed: is it really metalpunk? Rustpunk? Junk? Someone asserts authority with the use of mathematical notation: "rusted junk != Steampunk." I couldn't tell if "Deadpan" was being deadpan: "There aren't any gears, leather straps, shiny metal, or oversize goggles. It call it a fail." (That's my favorite.)

Someone calls it stupid, and then a steampunk fan waxes eloquent about the object's dire stupidity -- "I like Steampunk crap, but this is stupid. Really, really stupid" -- only to be topped later by someone who finds it ugly as well as stupid. 

Dylan just said, "Your stuff seriously isn't worth anything unless someone calls it crap."

this really couldn't be any cooler

(unless it was a bit cheaper than $23,000)


look what happens nextCollapse )

Does anyone know where I should buy a splint for a sprained thumb? I've looked at Walgreens and they just have these heavy-duty gigantic monster ones that would eat my entire hand. King Soopers had the same one. The best one I saw was actually at a computer store (Microcenter), but it had unnecessary extra features like a big bean bag under the wrist.
My computer got a virus and all of my school files got deleted. I think I have the most important ones backed up, so it is most likely not the end of the world. 

Explanation #1: I was pretty sure my computer would crash while I was writing my quals because that's the way things work. However, there was some kind of blip in fate's radar and the disaster came a week late. 

Explanation #2: It has been confirmed: I am a cyborg. Not only does my body follow academic cycles, but my computer directly responds to my neurophysiological states. I spent a few weeks* in a hyper-efficient state, and once my exam was safely over I, and my computer, crashed.

*I was hyper-efficient for several months, actually, but I didn't get the eerie feeling that I was a machine until the final few weeks.
I'm grateful that my parents had a computer when I was an undergrad, but I'm even more grateful that it was a crappy computer that trained me to save my work after practically every sentence in case it shut down. Things are better now, but I like to have multiple lines of defense.
Who's going to the Sisters show? I don't think we are because we're both ridiculously busy and they were pretty bad last time we saw them, but honestly I think I still love them enough to possibly go anyway. (Unless it's sold out or something).